Skip to main content

Funny One Liners - DGS

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.

Virginity is like a soap bubble, one prick and it is gone.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Mikoto Singapore

Stella has been raving about Mikoto Singapore ever since she ate there. She brought her boyfriend and a few other friends there and they were all full of praises. Is it really that good? I started to wonder. I jumped at the chance when Stella invited me to have dinner with her boyfriend and her at Mikoto Singapore.


I started off with Red Plum Liquor. You can't really taste the alcohol probably because the alcohol content is lower, but the taste of red plum is refreshing.

This is Nitsuke. It looked so good on the menu, but it was a little disappointing. The only noteworthy thing is the sauce.

This is Chicken Nanban. The chicken pieces are perfectly deep-fried. Tartar sauce is made with Japanese pickled eggplants called shibazuke which gives it the pick colour. This is definitely the highlight of the meal!

This is Vegetable Stick with Anchovy Sauce. The raw vegetables are very fresh and they go very well with the slightly-salty anchovy sauce.

This is Ham Cheese Katsu and it is only …

I Am Cafe

Mariem wanted to meet for dinner and she suggested this I Am Cafe that I have not heard of before.



Located at Haji Lane, this cafe  swaps air-conditioning for casualness and down-to-earth prices. It is not certified halal, but it is owned by three Muslim brothers.


The waitress recommended Cheezy Bombs and it was really delicious. Deep-fried chicken meatball with melted cheese, they explode in your mouth and will burn your mouth if you are not careful. 

I ordered Charcoal-Grilled Juicy Beef Burger. The beef patty if very juicy but a little under-seasoned, the addition of the pineapple gives the burger a totally different experience. However, it would be great if the beef patty can be made into two thinner ones, so that the burger can be eaten in halves, most girls don't have such a big mouth.

Mariem had Fish 'N' Chips. I had a few bites and it was alright, but I can still taste the taste of the fish, which should not be the case in a good Fish 'N' Chips.
For drinks,…

Awfully Chocolate

I have a sweet tooth, but I am not a big fan of chocolates because I find them too sweet.

However, if I ever have craving for chocolate cake, THE place I will go to is Awfully Chocolate.

I can't remember who introduced me to Awfully Chocolate, but I have been hooked ever since.




The Salted Butterscotch Brownie is really good. You can taste the butterscotch in every bite, but it is a little too sweet for me.
The Super Stacked Chocolate Cake is the one for me. It is super chocolatey, yet it is not overly sweet. It is the most popular item for a reason.
The White Choclate Creme Brulee Tart is too sweet, but otherwise delicious. 
Don't take my word for it - go and try them for yourself! I promise that you will not regret it.